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サザンドールの前 – ジュゲの小説
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サザンドールの前

私は小学3年生ぐらいからあるテーマをずっと考えてた。
考えては眠れなくなったものだ

善と悪
生と死

ある時ふっと、頭に浮かび頭から離れなくなった。

悪とは何か?
なぜ悪があるのか?
悪は100%裁かれるのか?
100%悪を裁けるのか?
なぜ生きるのか?
なぜ生きているのか?
なぜ生まれるのか?
なぜ生かされているのか?
なぜ苦痛はあるのか?
なぜ苦痛を与えるのか?
なぜ死ぬのか?
なぜ死なないといけないのか?
死んだらどうなるのか?
神と呼ばれる存在はあるのか?
戦争はなぜ終わらないのか?
etc・・・
どれもこれも考え出せば気が遠くなるものばかりだ。
一つ一つはそれなりに考えが収束し、納得がいったが
幾つか納得がいく答えが見つからなかった。

死んだらどうなるのか?
戦争はなぜ終わらないのか?

それから10数年が過ぎ、戦争が終わらない理由は合点がいった。
その答えが出たとき、長編サザンドールを書きだした。
そもそももの書きは苦手だった。
自分でも下手なのがわかる。
私は小学5年から海外の本格小説が好きだったので、幸か不幸かそれなりに読書する目はあったと思う。
うまい文章か下手な文章かはすぐわかる。
目があるというのは残酷である。
自分が、その目から大きく外れていることがわかるからだ。
技術がないと何事も難しい。

ただ、これだけは書きたいと思い通勤中に当時はソレしかなかったがA5サイズの携帯ワープロを10万近くだして買ったもんだ。そしてたったままタイプした。サザンドールでは様々な登場人物が出る。言葉も通じない、その存在、目的もわからない、何を考えてるかは勿論わからない主人公ドール。何せ性別すらわからない。外見上女性のようだから彼女と呼んでいるだけで、その実何もわからない。そして、よく生きてこられたなーと思うほどひ弱で、男の情けなさを凝縮したようないもう一人の主人公サカキ。あのアニメの主人公も真っ青な主人公だ。逃げちゃダメだどころか、逃げることを否定も肯定もしない。なにせ既に逃げているw しかも聞いてもいなのに醜く弁解までする。彼は地球人の生き残りである。地球はとっくに死滅し無くなっているし、地球という資料も記憶も人々には最早無い。挙句に第二の故郷となった太陽系は既に末期で死滅しかかっている。その他に、金のことしか考えて無い行商人や、名誉ばかりを重んじるワニ男、ルールにばかり囚われる首長の青年や、快楽のみに生きる美剣士ルイーズなどなど。

んー、こうして適当に書いているだけでもモチベーションが上がってきたなw とりあえず色々手をつけていこう。

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%d人のブロガーが「いいね」をつけました。